


The tree

by Schist



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5438672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schist/pseuds/Schist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A day at Ikea during Christmas time can break anyone</p>
            </blockquote>





	The tree

What a fucking waste of time.

Kimi emerged from the revolving exit door and onto Ikea’s gigantic parking lot like a drowning man using his dying breath to try and climb onto the shore. He had been in there for hours. Hours! Crammed with people, Christmas music playing over the roar of voices, screaming children and couples arguing over which sofa to buy.

“Ikea is great for Christmas shopping” his sister had claimed cheerfully. Cheerful because she had no intention of going herself. “They have everything! Napkins, candles, flowers, ornaments…” The list grew exponentially. “Kimi dear, why don’t you pop over and grab some things while I finish making the candy?”

Hours! For what? Cheap candles, napkins that were just going to waste and decorated bowls no one actually needed. As far as he knew they had plenty of bowls.

He took a deep breath, tried to fight off the immense fatigue that can break down any mortal after a visit to Ikea at Christmas time, and wondered where he might have parked his car. As if the warehouse itself wasn’t enough of a nightmare, they had to have a parking lot the size of the Atlantic ocean. He looked around, trying to remember what part of the lot he had parked in, whishing intensely that he was home. As soon as he got back he was going to have a nap and then he would sample his sister’s Christmas candy. She owed him.

He thought he remembered the general direction of his parking space, and started to make his way across the endless expanse of cars and Christmas shoppers in various degrees of motion.

He was just about to pass between two cars to get to the next row when something big and green blocked his way. Someone was trying to load a big palm tree into the back of a car, and taking up half the parking lot to do it. Kimi snapped. Before he knew what he was doing he was pulling and tearing at the big stupid leaves, throwing bits of them in all directions. He heard himself screaming:

“Get your fucking tree out of my way for fuck’s sake you retarded cunt!!”

Then he stopped. The anger was quickly spent, and when it was gone he looked at the torn leaves lying on the ground, the mutilated tree hanging sadly out of the back of the car, and the owner staring at him in shock. A moment of uncertain silence followed, where Kimi had time to start feeling monumentally stupid. He had ruined someone’s tree. The someone – a tall young man with brown curlyish hair – kept staring at him. Great, Kimi thought. Now he would have to go back into that horrible place and buy the guy a new fucking tree. It was almost enough to make him want to cry.

The owner of the tree started to laugh. It burst out of him and wouldn’t stop. Soon he was doubled over, fighting to breathe. Kimi stood there and looked at him, not sure what to do. He was actually quite cute, at least as cute as someone who buys a big palm tree at Ikea could possibly be. He tried to pull himself together, looked at Kimi, pointed at the remnants of the tree and suffered another bout of laughter.

“You destroyed… my palm… tree!” he squealed and laughed even harder. “There’s nothing left of it! Just…”

He imitated Kimi tearing up the tree in majestic rage, and Kimi laughed.

“Arrgh!” the man roared in fake anger at the tree. “I hate palm trees! Die!!”

Kimi laughed harder. People around them were looking at them worriedly, hurrying past without getting too close, which made them both laugh even harder.

“We should get out of here before someone calls the guards” the owner of the mutilated tree said finally.

“Yes. I’ll help you clean up here. And of course I’ll buy you a new tree. I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me.”

“It’s alright. You can buy me a new tree. But I’m not going back in there.”

He nodded towards the huge building. They both shuddered.

“Me neither” Kimi said.

“I’m Sebastian.”

“Kimi.”

They shook hands. Looked at each other for a moment. Smiled.

“There’s a plant shop over by the mall a few miles from here” Sebastian said. “You can get me a tree there instead, it’s much smaller.”

“It’s also much more expensive.”

Sebastian raised one eyebrow and glanced at the bits of green leaves decorating the ground. Kimi sighed.

“Fine” he said.

“They also have a nice coffee shop. You could buy me some coffee.”

“Of course. I’d be happy to.”

“Help me get this tree out and we can go.”

They dragged the mutilated tree out of Sebastian’s car and left it by the side of the parking lot, more or less out of the way of other cars.

“Why did you buy a big fucking palm tree in the first place?” Kimi asked.

Sebastian shrugged.

“Thought it would be nice to have one” he said.


End file.
